6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
