Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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