she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
