I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
