The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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