hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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