a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
