You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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