happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
