I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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