you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
