i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
