just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
