Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
