Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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