No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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