I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
