All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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