my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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