I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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