I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
