I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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