is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
