i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
