just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
