i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
