Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
