you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
