I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
