we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
