words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
