he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the condom got lost in my hair
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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