Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
