that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
