Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
