They should really pass out barf bags in church
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I love you. Go after that dick
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
