I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm passing your future prison.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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