Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
