i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
