Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
