there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
