So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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