I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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