I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
