i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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