i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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