he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
