Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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