He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
