Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
