maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
