college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
