i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
