i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
