Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
