Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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