The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
