He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
